im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
