We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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