is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
