You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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