yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
