I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
