Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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