I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
