we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can vaginas get frostbite?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Let's get the cat blown out
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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