how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
