is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
