Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
