I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
