My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
