I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
