Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
