some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
