i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
