Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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