please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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