in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
