Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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