I could make wine with my vomit
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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