I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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