I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize