where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
