Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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