I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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