is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize