Pappa wants mamma naked
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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