I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
