I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
