ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
