I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
