we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
