I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
