I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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