I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize