I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
