even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize