i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You're so nebulous sometimes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
