So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
