$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
