Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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