Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
