I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
