Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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