last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
