sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
