matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
