So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
