I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize