I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
