worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
