i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize