Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
