Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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