In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
