She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
