Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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