we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
