I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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