forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're too hungover to prance.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
