Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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