it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
