Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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