Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
