White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
