I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
