Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize