the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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