Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
