Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
